Discussing health issues such as a chronic illness or end-of-life decisions with your children, whether they’re young or young adults, can be stressful for everyone. But if you plan what you’ll say, how you’ll say it, and how you’ll answer questions, you can navigate the sticky subjects and open a healthy, long-term dialogue.
Discussing a serious illness
The American Psychological Association offers advice for dealing with the fallout brought on by the diagnosis of a serious illness. Tips for talking to your children include:
- Set aside as much uninterrupted time as possible. After dinner could be optimal as everyone is winding down
- Children will follow your mood. Make sure you’ve processed the news so you can stay calm
- Don’t hide your feelings. Tell them you might be sad sometimes and it’s OK for them to be, too, and to talk with you about it
- Use age-appropriate terms. Explain terms they’ll hear—such as chemotherapy—but technical medical terms probably won’t add much
- Timing is everything. Do the kids have a big test or important sporting event? If you can, wait until after those events
- Be open to questions
Talking to your kids about sex
Having one “big talk” should be a thing of the past, advises Nemours Children’s Health System. Better is an unfolding education, answering kids’ questions as they arise with age-appropriate information. When children reach age 5, parents can start introducing books that approach sexuality on a developmentally appropriate level. Read them together, and start a healthy conversation.
As children get older, discuss consent, boundaries, and emotional issues.
Why do I need health insurance?
A young adult’s shopping list rarely includes health insurance. It can be hard to convince them that accidents and serious illness can strike and cause expenses to spin out of control.
Here are reasons and facts that might convince them to buy insurance, according to the federal government’s healthcare.gov website and leading health insurers:
- Avoid massive debt. A broken leg can cost $7,500 to treat. Three days in the hospital can cost $30,000
- Paycheck vs. treatment. Without insurance, you may base health care decisions on money instead of what’s best for your health
- Prevent serious illness. If you avoid treatment for minor ailments, they could turn into a serious illness, costing your good health and more money
Navigating the process
Enrolling in health insurance can be confusing. If your children don’t have insurance through a job, they can learn all they need to know, from how to apply to how to get free in-person assistance in making choices, on healthcare.gov.
End-of-life decisions
Talking about what you want to have happen when you’re seriously ill or near the end of life is a tough discussion to initiate. But the clearer you are in describing your feelings and needs, the better the chance that they’ll be met. Plus, your children won’t have to guess what you want during a health crisis.
Conversation starters could be:
- Even though I’m OK now, I want to be prepared
- I remember what happened to (fill in the blank), and it made me realize I need to put thought into this
- I need to think about the future. Will you help me?
This checklist can help you get started, and this kit can prepare you for the conversation.